Let’s start with something positive.
I posted last month’s roundup right before realising the preliminary patch notes had dropped, so I’m only addressing them now. And those patch notes gave me the greatest gift of all.
I have a wrestling arena in the basement of my house. I’ve had a bootlegged ring in there for ages, made of stages and rope stanchions, taking up 30 fucking furniture slots. And this is more boxing ring than wrestling ring, but still, it’s an all-in-one fighting ring. The furniture I’ve been waiting for. Thank you CBU3. It is kind of small compared to my bootlegged ring – Blue can cross it diagonally in three steps while running, so it’s a bit dire for the big races – but it’s a coherent look and now I have 29 more furniture slots, so I’ll take it.
The Holy casting change is appreciated. I don’t do PVP so I can’t speak to the class changes in there, but reception seems to be mixed among oomfs-in-law. Win some lose some, I guess. Love the new emote. The new hairstyle has been hashed out entirely elsewhere in the past month so I don’t need to repeat it, so I will say that while the response ultimately sounds like corporate copout, at least SQEX don’t consider it to be an implementation of the actual winning style, so we can still get the actual thing whenever they get off their asses about it.
As for the actual content of the patch once implemented…
For the good parts, maps! Fuck everything else, this is a total maphead victory! Running tons of parties and making tons of cash has never been easier, between the weapon coffer drops that everyone wants and the introduction of crossworld parties! Heaven on earth! You’re never gonna see me again, I’ve been running them so much. I’ve even been able to get full parties for my beloved Ophios now!
Jeuno was fun. I’m not much of an alliance raid sicko so I can’t really compare it to previous ones (I’ve done them, but I don’t have strong standards for what makes an alliance raid good or bad, and in particular I did Myths of the Realm months late so I don’t know if that was difficult on launch or not), but man were my first few runs struggle sessions. It’s nice for there to be somewhat challenging content outside of EX+. The MSQ dungeon bosses were also kind of think fast, which is nice, but pleaseeeee for the love of god give us big pulls again I’m so tired of this forced two pack shit. Dungeon healers are like working dogs and you have to let us run and work hard or we’ll start tearing up the couch.
For the bad parts – and the commencement of the actual review of the patch MSQ – please for the love of god take everyone on the writing team who touched the Dawntrail MSQ and fire them. They cannot write. They cannot edit. It’s abysmal.
I should have taken notes because I was bored out of my mind the whole time so this is already half-remembered, but the major points:
(1) Fucking everything about Sphene and not-Sphene
I was groaning and rolling my eyes from the first quest with the buildup to Sphene’s funeral, with Wuk Lamat talking about how you must be so sad and guilty about having to kill her. No…? She was a tyrant trying to kill us all, of course she had to be put down. Like, the obvious comparison is to Emet, who, despite being sympathetic, was ultimately framed as yeah you gotta kill this guy, but I don’t think any other villain in XIV has had this treatment? (I didn’t do Bozja, if it’s in there don’t yell at me)
Why would we be sad or feel guilty about it to such an extensive degree? We’ve felt sympathy for villains before, sure, but not to this level. Again, it makes Wuk Lamat come off as incredibly stupid for feeling like this in the first place, but even that could be interesting development and a source for growth if the Scions pointed out that her sympathies are misplaced and this has been the only course of action available to us time and again. They don’t, of course. She’s also not remotely as regretful about having to kill her own brother, but we’ve addressed that already.
Also, why are not-Sphene’s actions framed on her own terms? What the hell is this extract, from towards the end of the patch quests:
Sphene: ...I wish that I could. Truly, I do. But with Living Memory shut down, even I cannot restore the system that once afforded us that comfort.
Sphene: You needn't fret, however. I have prepared an alternate solution.
Sphene: All of us shall be made Endless!
Sphene: I have created a new system that allows you to transplant your memories directly into an aetherial vessel─one not reliant upon soul cells.
Sphene: This way, you need never again fear death. You may live as you please─and for as long as you like!
Sphene: Our stores of aether are, at present, not sufficient to provide this boon to everyone...
Sphene: But some of you received neo regulators for the funeral ceremony, did you not?
Sphene: And there are still more we have yet to distribute. Five thousand in all!
Sphene: One day soon, those with neo regulators will be called to join the Endless, and thence be free of suffering forevermore!
Anxious Alexandrian: But...only five thousand of us?
Wuk Lamat: You vidraal!
Wuk Lamat: The real Sphene would never be content to save only some of her people!
Wuk Lamat: Who are you!?
Why are you accepting her framing of saving people when she straight up says she’s going to kill them and upload their memories for the cloud? Why are we trying to do 5.2 again but worse? Dawntrail truly loves to go hey, remember Shadowbringers? And I do! I wish I was playing that instead!
(2) Koana is just not a character anymore
Jesus christ, Koana. I wasn’t all in on him from reveal or anything, but his pursuit of progress and resentment of his ancestry could be really potent sources of more low-key character conflicts, even in a more upbeat and simplified good-and-evil story like Dawntrail wants to be. You could have gotten a ton of really nuanced close to home stuff out of him.
That’s too fucking hard for the Dawntrail writing desk, so we’re going to turn him into a Wuk Lamat clone.
Again, I get that they’re going to be shy about writing conflict related to ethnic backgrounds, considering this is their “redemption” expac and their history is… spotty. But there was just nothing there? Koana rightly resents his origins due to being abandoned as an infant, even if he expresses it in ways that are harsh or could outright approach bigotry. But writing a story about coming to terms with a background that genuinely harmed you, and you can’t get over that resentment, but that doesn’t mean that background is fundamentally wrong or that those who love that background are wrong and backwards would have required an incredibly delicate touch – one that even with their actual best writers on board, I don’t think SQEX would be able to handle.
I’m very white, so I can kind of say whatever shit I want about my extremely dominant “culture” and its ills, but friends from, say, Muslim backgrounds are much more measured in their criticism, because even if it’s caused them irreparable harm the people from it are also part of a marginalised group that suffer at the hands of the dominant culture. It’d be a similar principle in a setting like XIV.
So, okay, they don’t have the touch required to pull off that kind of inner conflict. They still surely could have done something better than Koana getting a neat, complete explanation of why he was abandoned that completely absolves his biological parents of any wrongdoing, and then suddenly deciding he loves Hhetsarro culture and Tural and will protect everything in it as it is. Except for these crocodiles, I guess.
There isn’t even a notion of trying to marry technology and tradition with him anymore. He’s literally just a Wuk clone who thinks everything is happy and niceys and perfect as it is.
(3) And everything else in the patch MSQ
The other two points above are the big things that annoyed me, but there’s other stuff that I thought was pretty bad too.
I’m kind of torn on the whole stuff with Gulool Ja’s mum. Like, I was like wow, she was FREAKY lol, but on reflection it’s like… woooow… healer woman who is motivated by wanting a family and child… even if she went about it in a freaky way. Like extremely huge lol at her being like “hey if this human experimentation works out can you fuck me”, but also ughhhh. Also Zoraal Ja had his sixth personality. Who cares. The Dawntrail writers don’t.
The way the Alexandrians are treated continues to shit me off but I can’t quite articulate why. I mean, the “experiencing grief for the first time” thing was handled sooo heavy handedly (are we just going to be sad forever…) but Dawntrail continues to kind of have nothing to actually say about grief, or coping mechanisms, or anything. The Alexandrians’ acceptance of the neo regulators could be something about like, suicidality (it isn’t framed as such), or entitlement in the face of loss of comforts, or even just coping badly in general, but it isn’t. There’s no investigation into why they feel the way they do, or indeed much in the way of commentary from the Scions as to how they approach grief differently, how they feel about how the Alexandrians are acting… beyond complete, empty understanding, a “Well, I’m sure they’re like this for a reason”.
They are incredibly spoiled and stood to benefit from the deaths of others. The least we can do is be a bit “shut up and do what we say”. I had a similar complaint with how Garlemald was handled, really. Killing them or subjugating them isn’t the answer, but why do we keep dismantling systems of exploitation and then going to the people who benefited from it and go “noooo it’s a big change it’s okay we’ll respect your dignity as people and keep you as close to the cushy comforts you’re used to and never tell you that you’re massively entitled and need to get the fuck over it because your miserable empire lost”. I mean it’s because XIV is a deeply liberal game, but still. Jesus christ. At least have something to say about grief if you’re going to subject me to this.
All up, the patch was really disjointed. It felt like a first draft of how I write – getting the big stuff out of the way first and leaving the connecting bits until later. They just forgot to add the connecting bits.
Also the XI raid plot immediately lost me by tying too close to MSQ. Why the hell is Sareel Ja here. I don’t give a shit about that, I want to see Prishe! Why is the XI collab going to be mostly about XIV!!! FUCKKKKK!! At least the Nier one, despite being what it was, was its own like self-contained thing. Also Bakool Ja Ja has no personality anymore why is he generic niceys like everyone else. Uwu I need to make up for everything. Will you shut up man.
My roommate plays XI and had hyped Prishe up massively, and while she is cute, she’s not quite giving megafauna Alisaie like he described… she, too, is a victim of Dawntrail’s blandness…
Finally, why did Yoshi-P lie? He was like oh, this patch is where Wuk Lamat will shine, and then she just… wasn’t there? She barely did anything or had any cutscene time or anything. Like even coming at it from the perspective of a Wuk Lamat fan, aren’t you guys mad you were promised development and got nothing? I feel like Dawntrail’s secondary thing is me looking at characters I don’t care much about and going “how are fans of these guys not mad at how much they’re being shafted and written like shit?” Speaking of…
TAKE G’RAHA OUT BACK AND SHOOT HIM. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT “A LESSON I LEARNED IN ANOTHER LIFE”. ENOUGH.